bare_bear: Caution sign showing a monster leaning over a cliff to eat a car (Default)
Boy, have I been absent from all of my online hangouts lately.  Oh cripes, don't click. So much thought vomit. )

Sorry for the wall there.  TL;DR: basically just annoyed with the public-nature of most social media and need a place for me - hello there livejournal!  Also, goodbye Dreamwidth, because I don't like your interface (it's not you, it's me).

bare_bear: Caution sign showing a monster leaning over a cliff to eat a car (Default)
Had a bit of a nervous breakdown the other day. )

Anyways, I'm going to keep on keeping on, sew to relax, and job hunt during the day.  My goal for the weekend is to look into a few more companies and get my cover letters written up for them.  And of course, sew!  :D

bare_bear: (Foodie)
I don't know why I ever settle for easy meals when I'm stressed out.  Last night I made an awesome meal of breaded fried fish, green beans, and rice (with just a touch of salt and pepper), and while yes, it's a little plain, I like plain food.  The flavour of the fish and the light seasoning was perfectly highlighted without being overwhelmed, and my all time favourite food is rice.

I practically lived on it at my Grandma and Uncles place in March and April.

And while it took a while to cook, it was a lovely break from thesising, and I had an instant and good meal ready to go tonight for dinner.  I guess I forgot how nice it is to cook for yourself.

Of course, the dishes afterward sucks.  :D

bare_bear: Heart-shaped sugar cube on spoon above tea cup (Tea Love)
I've been so busy working on my thesis of late, that I haven't given much thought of what tomorrow means to me.

Thirty years ago tomorrow morning, I came into the world in a flurry of fear and tears.  Poor ickle sick Heather, who came out a girl with a heart condition instead of the healthy baby boy the doctors thought I'd be.  Don't worry, I got over it.

I've been vacillating about how I feel about hitting the "big 3-0" for months now.  When I consider the fact that I'm still a student, that I live in my parents spare bedroom, that I'm a single woman without any of the Things You're Supposed To Have by now (a job, house, family, a life, etc.), I start to panic a bit.  I think about the fact that I've been in university for 9 years and sometimes feel like I wasted my 20's.

But why am I thinking of these things?  I mean, 30 is just a number, right?  How is it any different than the last few birthdays I've celebrated?

I'll tell you the why and how.  Because of the expectations drilled into your head your entire life.  Of course I should be married.  Of course I should have kids and a house and a car and a job and the Ideal Life.  And if I don't have all that, well there's obviously something wrong with me.

Stupid, eh? 

I love my life.  Okay I hate that I'm still a student and that I need to rely so much on my family's support right now, but I have a great family, amazing friends, and I've learned the last few years that I value things like that more than I'd ever value Things.

Thirty is just a number.  Maybe it's a little bit of a scary number because of all the heavy expectations that come with it, but it's not the end of the world and it's certainly not the end of my life.  I like who I am, going into my 30's, far more than I liked myself throughout most of my 20's.  And more importantly, I know who I am and what I want, and I'm not afraid to get it.

So yeah, I'm glad to be bidding my 20's good-bye and moving onwards into my 30's.  It's going to be fucken awesome.

bare_bear: Caution sign showing a monster leaning over a cliff to eat a car (Default)
Sept 3, 2008

Well, here I am, first night in my new apartment in Kingston, Ontario.  I love it.  It's pretty big, with a big bedroom and large kitchen.  No white walls!!  The kitchen/living room are painted this really light purple and a warm, light coloured wood laminate flooring in the living room.  The bedroom is carpeted with this kinda gross green on the walls, but it's better than white.  The bathroom is really really pink, and I LOVE it.  Like being on the inside of a cantaloupe.  

After a run to Walmart and the grocery (my new Lady of the Land is awesome and gave me a ride to pick up some basics), I'm now waiting on my pizza to finish cooking.  Heh, no plates, pots, pans, cutlery, anything, but pizza is easy and I'll just nom it like a savage once it cools.  Yay first meal in my new place.  MY new place!  I seriously can't stop smiling and dancing.  I love it!  Although at the moment, I'm sprawled on the floor writing this, cause I have no furniture, but that's not stopping me from being happy!

Well, other than the 10 000 legged bug I found dead in the sink.  Ew. 
(ETA: Foreshadowing for my future ghetto bug battles, maybe?)

Mmm...slightly burnt pizza...

Sept 9, 2008

It's been a week since I arrived in Kingston.  Wow.  Apartment-wise, I'm still happy, especially now that I have all the basics.  Phone will be in next week, I have a bed (my back told me the floor wouldn't work out after the first night), a couch, table/chairs, a lot of kitchen stuffs, etc.  :)  I love my ugly mix of stuff, mostly because it's mine.  

Fast forward to November 29/30, 2010, on my very last night in this apartment, and even though I have to be up early tomorrow, I can't sleep.  I'm feeling so sad to be moving out of this place.  Gave away my bed this evening, so I'm sleeping on the couch mentioned in one of my dead-tree journals entries from my first week in Kingston, and I just keep looking around and tearing up.  This was my first apartment where I wasn't a complete disaster trying to live on my own, and I think it was a success.  I was happy here, and I made it so completely my own that I hardly recognize the place now.  

I worked here, played here.  Had friends over to visit and had friends and lovers over to stay.  I loved here, relaxed here, cried here, got sick and well again here.  I learned to cook for myself here.  I didn't just exist here, like in past places I've had: I lived here.  It became my home.  And I'm so sad to be giving it up.

Because it's not just about the apartment.  It's about this vibrant little city, with it's long history and beautiful architecture.  It's about the eclectic population and random occurrences.  (Seriously, how many places have you seen a horse-riding Mountie patrolling rural streets in a city, or watched a unicycle race in the park while a couple of guys practice tight-rope walking, or watched a young man dressed up as a cat running down the street in late November?)

And above it all, it's about the amazing people I've met, and the great friends I've made here, and that is what's breaking my heart.

Thank you Kingston, for all the good memories and all the strange memories and even all the sad memories.  And mostly, thank you for being a magnet for such awesome people.  Though I'm sad to be leaving now, at least I know I'll never forget my time here.

Alright.  Enough with the sap.  Time to go to bed.  I have a long day of packing and moving ahead of me.  Good night all.  And good night, little apartment.  You've been a terrific home these past 2+ years.  *mwah*
bare_bear: Heart-shaped sugar cube on spoon above tea cup (Tea Love)
I went out for tea with a friend this afternoon, and it got me thinking about one of my favourite hot drink. And cold, for that matter, ever since a friend of mine from South Carolina introduced me to sweet tea. good.

In which I babble about my personal history and love with tea. )
bare_bear: Caution sign showing a monster leaning over a cliff to eat a car (Default)
Twenty-nine years ago today, my Mom and Dad became parents for the first time. 

I thought I'd have a problem with this, that I'm only a year away from 30 and bye-bye twenties.  And yet, I'm not. 

My twenties were rough, and I only really feel like I'm coming into my own into the last few years, especially this last one.  I'm going to finish my Masters this year, and hopefully start a job in the new year (just in time for my 30th!).  I feel like my life is finally about to start.  Which I guess is kind of dumb, but I'm really tired of being a student and putting things off or on hold because of my school stuff.

I'm excited for the future, for what's coming up.  A number isn't going affect that.  So I'm celebrating number 29, and even looking forward to 30.

And hey, you only celebrate your first 29th birthday once!  Every other time after that is only the anniversary.  ;)


bare_bear: Caution sign showing a monster leaning over a cliff to eat a car (Default)

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